elizabeth lee

FINALLY! right?!

so, major life update, i got a full time offer for a job last friday!! FINALLY right?!?  i waited so long for this moment and the moment turned out to be not worth all the hype…

so, i didn’t take it.

i know, i know, you’re probably thinking, “WHAT, LIZ, ARE YOU CRAZY?!?”  

i thought i was crazy too for a second.

there are a couple of twists to this story.  not to brag, but i ended up with three job offers.  isn’t that C R A Y?  how good the Lord is when he provides!!  the first one i immediately turned down because it didn’t feel right and i knew i had a couple of options left on the table.

the second offer was a freelance opportunity with club monaco’s international wholesale department in their asian markets (hong kong & skorea).  aka the perfect position besides the fact that its not full time & permanent.

the third offer was the full time offer from friday with a brand called mackage for a showroom coordinator position (also amazing!), and in any other case i would have totally taken the offer, but my heart was not ALL IN, because such an amazing freelance opportunity was also available.

but, this is what i’ve been praying and fighting for for a year, right?!  i’ve been praying and fighting for stability and full time opportunities for a year while i interned and freelanced my way into the industry.  i have been wanting a full time opportunity and waiting for it FOR THIS WHOLE YEAR.  and what do i do when i get it?  oh, i end up choosing risk and freelancing again.

this was honestly one of the hardest decisions i’ve ever had to make ever in life.  for days, i struggled with do i choose stability vs. risk?  do i choose long term or short term?  do I choose what i really want or what i think is logical?  it was a tough, tough choice.  i literally called and told everybody important in my life and asked them for their advice and their advice seemed in sync with my heart, unexpectedly.  so, i just went for what i wanted.

it is a risk im taking. im not sure what will be the outcome at the end of the freelance opportunity, if there is an end.  but, im choosing to trust god again, because time and time again he NEVER EVER fails me and every time i choose to trust him, the reward is always greater every time.  

im taking this risk because i want to think long term in terms of my career.  im taking this risk because i feel like i can learn and grow so much.  im taking this risk because hello, lets be real…how many chances does one get to work in club monaco’s corporate office?  not that often.  

and in the words of taylor swift, im really feeling 22.  im young, im gaining important experience, and if not do the things that you want to do now, when?  the road im learning is not always on a straight and narrow path, but on a topsy turvy one that leads to happiness and success.

s i n g l e n e s s

i’m sure you know by now that my posts are honest and somewhat vulnerable. just letting you know if you didn’t get the hint already from previous posts.  i guess this is just a space where i feel comfortable to type what i want to type, you have been warned.

———————————————————————————————————-

earlier today, my good friend jaehee texted me and told me about a single & relationship message series that the summit church was doing at the moment.  of course being 22, single, and female, it immediately caught my interest and i sat in my bed and just listened to it.

here’s the link if you guys would like to listen: http://www.summitrdu.com/messages/

and it blew my mind.

nothing said was something that i didn’t hear before, but the way i received it this time was way different.  being post grad, lonely single, and doing life in a new city can skew your view on this whole topic.  also, it doesn’t help that culture & society shoves the notion that if you’re not in a relationship or not married, something just must be wrong with you; whether it be the way you look, the way you act or dont act, your status, just something is super wrong with you…and to be honest that’s how i’ve felt.  i felt like something was wrong with me, especially since, well, i’ve been single for twenty two years, which is an experience in itself.  but being perpetually single does suck.  i mean, when your friends are all dating, they tell you you wouldn’t “understand”, which is a fair argument, but nonetheless hurtful in some ways.  or people asking or TELLING you that you’re not trying hard enough or you need to fix some flaws in order to find love, which is sometimes bullshit.  there’s also so much societal pressure to get married so young.  if it’s your time, whether you get married young or not, it’s your time.

this whole message reminded me, that i am not destined to be single forever, because i in no way do not feel called to.  but, until that time when i do meet the right person, i need to fixate my eyes on jesus.  people fail people.  a man will not complete me, which is something that i tend to think, but it just isn’t true.  my singleness is a time where i need to focus on improving my life and my walk with jesus so when i do meet the “one”, i will know what it’s like to be fulfilled by the right thing and not by man.  i dont ever want to compromise who my husband will be because of my own human desire to get married in the wrong way or in the wrong timing.  i don’t want to compromise that because i don’t want to compromise who i’ll end up doing life with or who’ll set the spiritual example in my family.  

the message also reminded me that marriage is not eternal.  the church is eternal, jesus is eternal, but marriage isn’t.  so, it makes sense to fix my eyes on what is eternal FIRST so i can enjoy the gift of marriage in the right way when the time comes.

food log 3.26//3.27

day 2

breakfast: honey nut cheerios + mangoes

lunch: kale salad with blueberries & avacados + hummus & pretzels + one hardboiled egg

snack: gluten free granola bar

dinner: gluten free pizza + vanilla ice cream

day 3

breakfast: oatmeal + mangoes & strawberries

mid morning snack: gluten free granola bar

lunch: steak salad + tea

mid afternoon snack: frozen yogurt shared

dinner: small bowl of rice + egg + salad mix with gochujang + fruit

lifestyle change alert! (hopefully)

i’ve always been a fatty at heart.  granted, i don’t have a high tolerance to eat fatty foods in large amounts at one time, but i do <3 and eat junk often…

but, lately, my body has been really feeling the effects of my eating habits and its time to start seriously thinking about my eating habits.  time to change!

time to drink more water, more tea, eat raw, exercise, and make this a real lifestyle change instead of a temporary challenge!

keep me accountable friends!

favor

i’m so tired.  physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually weary.  it’s been an interesting two months.  i’ve had the amazing opportunity to work for a well known, luxury brand and it’s been challenging, rewarding, and draining all at the same time.  the job has required long hours, sometimes fourteen hour days in the office, a lot of out of office learning, and loads of grace towards some co-workers you just want to punch in the face sometimes.  

…and i think im getting off topic in regards to what i actually wanted to write on here…hm..

ok, back to what i wanted to write about: favor 

and i’m a little scared because i feel like im being too open, but its a topic thats been on my mind & heart for a while now..so here goes nothing! 

being favored is something i struggle with on a daily basis.  mind you, not the aspect of being the favorite, but being favored.  i often forget what it means when you are a favored child of god.  being favored means that god chose ME to be in whatever situation im in, whether it be bad or good & i can make an impact whether i believe it or not.  it also means that i didn’t get picked to do something because of my own merit, so i don’t have to fear being kicked off for my lack thereof.  it means that i don’t need the approval of others, because i already have commission from the ultimate judge.  it means that i am beautiful, smart, & anointed, NOT because of what others or what i say or think about me, but because of what HE says & thinks about me!

i struggle with the aspect of being anointed or favored or “good enough”, because let’s be real, i struggle with believing in my own self & what i have been given in my own hands.  i’ve tried “faking it until i make it” several times & it works for a little while, but then you get tired of keeping up that facade.  not being confident in who i am and my abilities has hurt me in so many aspects of my life, whether it be at work, school, or with people.  there’s always a voice telling me that i’m not as capable as my co-worker, that i’m not good enough to lead, or that i lack in many areas of my life.

but, the truth is, i am capable, because i am a favored child of god and i feel like this is an issue that i’ve needed to face head on in the past couple of weeks. i’ve been placed in so many situations where i haven’t felt “good enough” only to realize that i am more capable than i think i am.  it’s still a daily struggle to believe that i am good enough or more than good enough & trust that he has precious plans for me, but its something that i need to trust in for my own sake & for his glory.

things i’ve learned about unemployment & job searching

1) an interview doesn’t guarantee you a job

this sounds obvious, huh?  it is, but not really.  as a new job seeker, an interview anywhere can incite excitement beyond belief.  because, let’s be real, even securing an interview is hard itself.  you end up applying to hundreds of positions and companies, only to hear back from 4.  those 4 interviews can give you so much hope.  you may even get to the final round of interviews, but don’t hold your breath too much…nothing is guaranteed until you sign that dotted line.  

2) comparison is the devil

you peruse facebook & see that one friend or acquaintance who scored that job.  you wonder, im just as qualified, i worked just as hard, i also am awesome, WHY DO I NOT HAVE A JOB & THAT PERSON DOES?!  people have different paths to where they’re going.  some may be straight and narrow, some are bumpy with a lot of obstacles, whatever the case do not compare yourself to others.  if you know you’re trying and you’re doing the best you can, be proud of that.  it’s honestly all about timing & the right fit.

3) even though you’re unemployed, don’t waste your time.

work for free.  acquire new skills.  get a PT job.  DO SOMETHING.  your passion for _______ will only get you so far.  you better walk the walk when you talk the talk.  also, doing nothing will do nothing for your morale.  show the employer that you’re doing something valuable with your time.   the competition is real, especially if you’re in a big city.  you maybe hot stuff in your small hometown, but once you get to NYC, LA, etc, there is so much competition, it’s crazy.  

4) be specific about what you want

your general passion or interest in the ________ industry is not enough.  be specific about what you want in the _______ industry.  like i said before, competition is tough.

5) don’t stress

i am a pro at stressing about this whole process, but 7 months of searching really made me learn that stressing is not going to do anything about it.   end of story.  let go & things will start happening for you.

6)  at the end of the day, your job doesn’t define you.

your job, your status, your perception of who you think you are doesn’t define you.  the fact of the matter is, if you’re a believer like me, who jesus is to you & what he says about you is what defines you (in case you didn’t know, he said he has plans to prosper you, to make you the head & not the tail, to be above and not beneath)…not your occupation.  

done.

i’ve always struggled with knowing whether or not i made or make the right decisions.

my life is always constantly changing here in new york.  it can change in a day, an hour, even in a minute.  with that, i’ve had to make a lot of decisions.  in the past, i’d base all of those decisions and make them about me, me, me, me, me.  i’d ask questions like, what would i lose?  what would i gain?  if i’d lose something that felt so precious, i.e., money, i would not take the risk of making a decision to lose it. 

i recently made a decision that made me put my whole trust in god.  i let him know that i dont know what is going to happen, but, i made this decision, and im trusting you.  for the first time ever, i’ve never felt such peace in my heart.  with this peace, i knew i made the right decision & i knew that it was an answer to a prayer to feel so positive in the midst of uncertainty.  such peace can only come from god, no?  

and he has already been so faithful with the plans that he has for me.

this whole experience is leaving me asking, why didn’t i choose to trust him and let go any sooner?  because, it feels good to let go & let him control.

hot, lukewarm, and cold.

being hot doesn’t mean that you have to be that crazy person for jesus or even that self-righteous christian know it all…

it means that you submit yourself wholly to god.  it doesn’t mean you’re perfect & you have everything figured out.  it means that you trust god so much for him to have full control.

mind=blown.  such a simple concept that i never fully realized//had explained until today.

Stare at the right thing, so you bring constant light to your eyes.